Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
