whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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