Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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