I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
