of course. lets lasso hookers.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
