I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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