Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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