this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
