my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
