Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
