Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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