I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
