Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
