Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
