It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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