if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
