Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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