This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How naked do you want me to be?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
