there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
