We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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