glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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