Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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