if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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