My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
