I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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