if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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