: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
