I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
