Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
