dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
