you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
