people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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