Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You smell like stripper and shame
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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