just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
