i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
