No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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