Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
