if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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