i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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