Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
