p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
