i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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