Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
