I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
