i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
