Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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