I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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