i think my tv is drunk
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
