I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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