I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
